How Math Helped with my Anxiety
Note: If anyone is reading this who is also struggling with a mental illness, I have a couple introductory points to make-First of all, if you are struggling with any symptoms of anxiety or any mental illness in general, please talk to a doctor or a professional. They can help you and find a plan that works for you. Additionally, I want to emphasize that everyone has different experiences and if you have not experienced the same symptoms or events as I have, then that doesn't mean your experience is not valid. What works for me may not work for everyone else, and that is completely fine. YOU are the expert on your own mental illness, and I think it is important to emphasize that before beginning my own account. Thanks for reading.
I realized I had anxiety the summer after my freshman year of college. I had come home from college, happy with the new experiences I'd had and already missing my friends. I began working at the old retail job I had had in high school again, determined to gain some spending money I could use in my next semester of college. However, my bubble of happiness was burst quite suddenly when I began having intense, unexplainable panic attacks.
I couldn't really tell you what events initially set off my panic attacks. Sometimes, I would be at work, some small and mundane thing would happen, and I would be filled with an intense fear that brought me to tears and left me shaking and physically unable to move or cope. These began to happen more and more often, to the point where they would occur once a week or even once a day. To me, that entire summer was a blur, because I remember mostly being filled with intense fear and emotion pretty much all the time, which left me unable to enjoy my time off from school.
Once I came back to school for my sophomore year, I thought perhaps being around my friends might help to alleviate what had become my normal routine of dealing with my constant panic attacks. However, this didn't happen. While I felt fine in my classes since I was fairly busy and focused, I would come home pretty much every day with a sense of fear, loathing, and sadness. Depression and the overwhelming, constant anxiety defined my life at that point, and I remember very few things about the first semester of my sophomore year except for the constant panic I felt.
My fears became more intense and pronounced: I would focus on an interaction I had with a friend, convincing myself that I had somehow "messed up" the interaction and that they hated me. I would fixate on the physical "flaws" I had that were incredibly obvious to me, convincing myself that I didn't deserve love or to feel beautiful. I told myself I wasn't good enough, I told myself I wasn't smart enough, and I would spend nights without sleep worrying about the possibility of something bad happening. I became convinced something was truly wrong with me because I had never heard of anyone else having these constant fears and thoughts. I became truly miserable.
The one bright spot in my life at this point was a class I was taking for what was then my mathematics minor. I had initially been apprehensive for this class since I had read in the course catalog that it focused on proof-writing and mathematical logic, which I was pretty unfamiliar with at the time. However, I found myself LOVING the class. Math had never been explained to me as a logical process: Before, math had always seemed to me like using the "correct" formula and plugging numbers in until you obtained the right answer. In this class, we learned why numbers had the properties they did and why we could perform certain operations. My mind was blown, and I began to experience mathematics in a completely new way.
The other wonderful thing about this course was my ability to not focus on the illogical flow of my thoughts. When I was thinking logically about mathematics, I found that I was able to stop, if only for a couple of hours, the fears and anxieties going through my mind. I could focus on something that, to me, was completely logical and made perfect sense, unlike my thoughts at the time. Math, to me, became an escape, and I found myself falling in love with math in a way my high school self never would have dreamed of.
I remember going home toward the beginning of November that semester, where I was working on Fibonacci series and proofs involving them while studying for an upcoming test. My dad was sitting next to me at the table. I turned to him and said, "What if I changed my major to math and my minor to English?" (Note: I was an English major with a math minor at the time). My dad nodded his head vigorously, and from then on, mathematics became my major and also my permanent escape.
This story ends pretty well: Toward the middle of my second semester of my sophomore year, I accepted that I desperately needed professional help and accepted the fact that I had generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). After meeting with a couple of counselors, I found the one that was perfect for me, and I still attend sessions to this day. I have been formally diagnosed with GAD by my doctor, and I take other steps in my life to help with my anxiety.
So, how does math help me, personally?
To me, the worst part about having anxiety, especially as a person who has a very logical mind, is the illogical thoughts that seep into my brain. When I was 19, this often debilitated me to a point of not being able to function. However, since I have learned a lot about logical and critical thinking skills from my math courses and doing problems in these courses, I have been able to "reason" with my brain to an extent. Of course, I do still feel panicky and anxious and those feelings are real and valid. However, I find it a lot easier now to tell myself that a thought doesn't make sense logically. I NEVER would have been able to develop these skills without mathematics, and for that, I'm grateful for math every day.
I can also problem-solve due to mathematics when it comes to my anxiety: I can think about the sources of my anxiety, why these sources are making me anxious, and how I can solve the problem this is causing. This allows me to be a lot more introspective and to think about my own mental state a lot more than I ever thought I could when I was first struggling with anxiety.
In short, then, math has helped me with my anxiety more than I ever imagined. It brings me joy every day to think logically and mathematically, and I wouldn't change my decision to go into this field for the world.
Endnote
This is my own personal account of how logic and skills I have learned from my math degree have personally helped me. I am not suggesting this is the only way of coping with anxiety or mental illness, nor that it is the right way for everyone. If anything I say in this post sounds like it might help you, please talk to your doctor, counselor, or other licensed health professional about such coping mechanisms so they can find a plan that is right for you. Finally, if you or someone you know is struggling with a mental illness, here are some resources. I hope these help!
If you know any more good links, please leave them in the comments below to help someone who needs them!
I realized I had anxiety the summer after my freshman year of college. I had come home from college, happy with the new experiences I'd had and already missing my friends. I began working at the old retail job I had had in high school again, determined to gain some spending money I could use in my next semester of college. However, my bubble of happiness was burst quite suddenly when I began having intense, unexplainable panic attacks.
I couldn't really tell you what events initially set off my panic attacks. Sometimes, I would be at work, some small and mundane thing would happen, and I would be filled with an intense fear that brought me to tears and left me shaking and physically unable to move or cope. These began to happen more and more often, to the point where they would occur once a week or even once a day. To me, that entire summer was a blur, because I remember mostly being filled with intense fear and emotion pretty much all the time, which left me unable to enjoy my time off from school.
Once I came back to school for my sophomore year, I thought perhaps being around my friends might help to alleviate what had become my normal routine of dealing with my constant panic attacks. However, this didn't happen. While I felt fine in my classes since I was fairly busy and focused, I would come home pretty much every day with a sense of fear, loathing, and sadness. Depression and the overwhelming, constant anxiety defined my life at that point, and I remember very few things about the first semester of my sophomore year except for the constant panic I felt.
My fears became more intense and pronounced: I would focus on an interaction I had with a friend, convincing myself that I had somehow "messed up" the interaction and that they hated me. I would fixate on the physical "flaws" I had that were incredibly obvious to me, convincing myself that I didn't deserve love or to feel beautiful. I told myself I wasn't good enough, I told myself I wasn't smart enough, and I would spend nights without sleep worrying about the possibility of something bad happening. I became convinced something was truly wrong with me because I had never heard of anyone else having these constant fears and thoughts. I became truly miserable.
The one bright spot in my life at this point was a class I was taking for what was then my mathematics minor. I had initially been apprehensive for this class since I had read in the course catalog that it focused on proof-writing and mathematical logic, which I was pretty unfamiliar with at the time. However, I found myself LOVING the class. Math had never been explained to me as a logical process: Before, math had always seemed to me like using the "correct" formula and plugging numbers in until you obtained the right answer. In this class, we learned why numbers had the properties they did and why we could perform certain operations. My mind was blown, and I began to experience mathematics in a completely new way.
The other wonderful thing about this course was my ability to not focus on the illogical flow of my thoughts. When I was thinking logically about mathematics, I found that I was able to stop, if only for a couple of hours, the fears and anxieties going through my mind. I could focus on something that, to me, was completely logical and made perfect sense, unlike my thoughts at the time. Math, to me, became an escape, and I found myself falling in love with math in a way my high school self never would have dreamed of.
I remember going home toward the beginning of November that semester, where I was working on Fibonacci series and proofs involving them while studying for an upcoming test. My dad was sitting next to me at the table. I turned to him and said, "What if I changed my major to math and my minor to English?" (Note: I was an English major with a math minor at the time). My dad nodded his head vigorously, and from then on, mathematics became my major and also my permanent escape.
This story ends pretty well: Toward the middle of my second semester of my sophomore year, I accepted that I desperately needed professional help and accepted the fact that I had generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). After meeting with a couple of counselors, I found the one that was perfect for me, and I still attend sessions to this day. I have been formally diagnosed with GAD by my doctor, and I take other steps in my life to help with my anxiety.
So, how does math help me, personally?
To me, the worst part about having anxiety, especially as a person who has a very logical mind, is the illogical thoughts that seep into my brain. When I was 19, this often debilitated me to a point of not being able to function. However, since I have learned a lot about logical and critical thinking skills from my math courses and doing problems in these courses, I have been able to "reason" with my brain to an extent. Of course, I do still feel panicky and anxious and those feelings are real and valid. However, I find it a lot easier now to tell myself that a thought doesn't make sense logically. I NEVER would have been able to develop these skills without mathematics, and for that, I'm grateful for math every day.
I can also problem-solve due to mathematics when it comes to my anxiety: I can think about the sources of my anxiety, why these sources are making me anxious, and how I can solve the problem this is causing. This allows me to be a lot more introspective and to think about my own mental state a lot more than I ever thought I could when I was first struggling with anxiety.
In short, then, math has helped me with my anxiety more than I ever imagined. It brings me joy every day to think logically and mathematically, and I wouldn't change my decision to go into this field for the world.
Endnote
This is my own personal account of how logic and skills I have learned from my math degree have personally helped me. I am not suggesting this is the only way of coping with anxiety or mental illness, nor that it is the right way for everyone. If anything I say in this post sounds like it might help you, please talk to your doctor, counselor, or other licensed health professional about such coping mechanisms so they can find a plan that is right for you. Finally, if you or someone you know is struggling with a mental illness, here are some resources. I hope these help!
- https://www.mentalhealth.gov/
- https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ (1-800-273-8255)
- https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad
If you know any more good links, please leave them in the comments below to help someone who needs them!
Terrific post! Honest and vulnerable and potentially very helpful to other people. Interesting to think if there was more reasoning in K-12 classes it could help others in the same way. Appreciate the links at the end, too.
ReplyDeleteC's 5/5
Tiniest of picky points: make the paragraph breaks clearer.
Loved this!
ReplyDeleteFor me, getting my eyes off myself and focusing on helping others was something i found helpful in dealing with anxiety when i was younger.
This post is a powerful way for you to do that. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your kind reply! I find that helps me as well, and I hope that this post helps someone reading it :)
DeleteThis rings true for me too. Interesting that math can be such a place of safety and calm for us when it is (sadly) so anxiety-provoking for many people.
ReplyDeleteIt's comforting to hear someone else struggles with the same things I do! Thank you for sharing that. And yes I agree, it's really sad that math can be a source of anxiety for others. I'm hoping to gain more insight as to how to help students with math anxiety while I am teaching in the next couple of semesters, and I am open to any suggestions and would love to hear some :)
Delete