Teaching Update: There's only two months left and I'm terrified

So, judging by the title of this blog, it's pretty easy to make the conjecture that I'm going into education. I knew that I wanted to be a teacher when I started college in the fall of 2014, but the step into the classroom was so far away at that point that I barely had any time to feel nervous for my role as Teacher Assistant. Now, I am a few short weeks away from the end of the semester, and after the holiday cheer wraps up, I'll be working with students and applying everything I have learned these past 8 semesters. At this point, I have gotten my acceptance letter to the College of Education in the mail, attended an orientation meeting, and have been reassured that I will likely receive my placement before Thanksgiving. While everything is exciting and definitely makes this whole math journey I've been on completely worth it, I'm also scared out of my wits.

How will I apply what I've learned in math courses? Will my lack of knowledge about integral calculus and non-Euclidean geometry limit me in the classroom? Will students be able to tell that I'm terrible at visual reasoning? What if I *gasp* fall back into the ways of teaching that I was taught in high school? I have nightmares about teaching, and I devour books about being a better teacher. But still, I'm so afraid that I will be teaching the way I was taught, and that I will not be encouraging children to love math as I so deeply wish to.

Since I didn't really want to live my entire semester in a state of constant distress, I have developed some logical reasons as to why being a math teacher shouldn't be so terrifying, and how the material I've learned really will help the kids I want to teach. I hope this is helpful for any other future teachers or offers some insight as to what future teachers may be thinking.

Take a deep breath. 

It may be easier said than done, but for me, all I can do is just breathe and remember that everything is going to be fine. As teachers, we graduate with a bachelors degree in our content area, and by the time we are going into the classroom for the first time, we are well equipped to deal with vast content in our area. Are we going to make mistakes? Absolutely. But if we can own those mistakes and strive to create a teaching moment out of them rather than create an environment that associates mistakes with shame, then our classrooms will be far more inclusive and promote critical thinking. All we can do is our best, and that is the best thing we can remember.

You will use the content you have learned. 

Sure, we may not be teaching our students concepts like differential equations, number theory, or spherical geometry, but our knowledge and expertise on these matters can only help us to see the bigger picture. As an example: I work as a structured learning assistant for an entry-level algebra course at Grand Valley, and I spend two hours per week facilitating the class. Last week, we were working on a worksheet about logarithms together, and one of my students asked, "Why do we have to have a different logarithm for e? Can't we just use the same one as we do for any base?" This took me a moment because the method for calculating e in terms of the natural log is essentially the same as with an exponent of any base. The only reason we have a different logarithm is due to e's status as a transcendental number, meaning that it has no common numbers to work with and that it is, for all intents and purposes, a special case. For a moment, I thought, "How can I explain this in a way that will make sense? Can I relate it back o their algebra knowledge?" However, we had work to do, so instead of pondering this further, I simply told them the truth: That e is a special number and kind of a pain to work with, so we have to use a different method of working with it. While in my own classroom, I would most likely facilitate a mini-discussion about why students thought these methods were different, this conversation with my SLA kids showed me that we do use the content we major in and that our expertise in our subject often helps us to clarify concepts to students.

Your first year is probably going to be insane, but that's ok. 

This is the idea of teaching that actually terrifies me the most. Regardless of how much experience I get with kids in the next couple of semesters, once I step foot into my own classroom, I know I'm going to have no idea about how to manage my students. How will I deal with cell phones? What if my students hate the way I teach? What if my school doesn't support the type of teaching I wish to implement? How will I deal with bullies? How do I facilitate a conversation about classroom inclusivity? How do I deal with parents?

Every person I've ever spoken to who has taught has told me, "Your first year is not going to be good." My placement coordinator even told us that he almost quit after his first year. But, I think of it like this: My students are going to have to make mistakes in order to learn, and so am I. I have to learn classroom management, how to develop good lesson plans, how to develop good assessments, and more. I won't become an expert at this overnight, and I need that first year to make mistakes and to learn. Without learning, we cannot succeed.

Remember that you're making a huge difference. 

At my College of Education orientation, the one thing that really stuck out to me was how grateful all of the faculty were for us as educators. They kept telling us how much of a difference we were making and how our jobs were the most important ones out there. I have never felt such love from a group of faculty in my life, and hearing their words reminded me that I will be making a difference. I'm sure that as I'm trying and failing to manage a classroom, I won't feel this way, but teachers are the backbone of the people of tomorrow. We help cultivate young minds and help students to learn and grow. I want to make a difference, and I know that, as a teacher, I can. So, while all this new stuff may be absolutely terrifying, just know: If you're a teacher, then you are absolutely amazing.